What do I do if I am the toxic friend/person? Twitter Thursday! #KatiFAQ

By: Kati Morton

- Hi everybody, happy Thursday, and when it's Thursday here I'm on Twitter, and before I get started, it's 9/11 here in the States, and everywhere across the world actually, but for us it means a lot more, than I know some other countries, that it may mean to them, but on September 11th, as you know, we had a horrible, horrible tragedy happen, and I want to just send out my love and respect for people who lost loved ones in that, and people who were personally affected, cause I know it was, it's just horrific, and I can't even imagine what people went through. So, my love and condolences go out to those who've lost loved ones, and who were around New York during that time. So, on Thursdays I'm on Twitter, I got teary, sorry, gotta pull it together, pull it together. I'm on Twitter. So, if you asked your questions using the #katiefaq, I have four of them, and the last one's a little big longer, and I have a journal topic.

So, thanks Jess May for that, whoo, and let's get started, because I don't want it to be too long, I try to make these short, and never works out, I'm sorry. Okay, question number one, hey Katie, I love your videos. My question is what do you do if you think that you're the toxic friend/person, and I've had this question a lot, because a lot of people worry, that maybe they're the toxic person, or people maybe told them, like I can't deal you anymore, or whatever, people can be really hurtful, right. Now, what we can do if we think that we're the problem in the relationship, that's what I always talk about, because I wouldn't even necessarily say, that we're the toxic people, but sometimes we're the problem, and that's fair. Everybody has their own time being the problem in every relationship, and the number one thing that we can do, when we worry about that is to see a therapist, to start talking about, start journaling about how we're feeling in relationships, and if we feel like we're doing all take and no give, like we are asking them for advice, and we're talking about ourselves and our situation, we never give them anytime to talk about what's going on in their life. If we're always making them come our way on our side of town, maybe we go over to their house, and we meet up with them in their part of town, or little simple things, that if just being aware of how much we're asking from those around us, and how much we are potentially taking, cause every relationship if give and take, right. There's gonna be times when we're having a really hard time, we're really feeling stressed out, we need to talk to our friends, and we're gonna monopolize the time, and that's fair, but there needs to be other times where they're monopolizing, cause they're feeling stressed out, and then it all kind of balances, right.

So, if you worry, that your the one, that's causing trouble, and you're the reason that, ya know, you get in fights, or people leave, or whatever, just start noticing these things, and start working on yourself, cause were all works in progress, right, none of us our finished projects, we're all just starting to work to get better, and to be better in relationships, and the more insight we have the better, and we can also communicate this to one's that we love, like, I know, I've been monopolizing the time a lot lately, I've just been going through something, that's really stressful, I want you to know, I recogniza that, and I'm so grateful that you are giving me this time, just communicating that to them, and letting them know that we're aware can mean the world. So, those are just some helpful tips, that can kind of help you manage through that, if you think this is something you're struggling with, and if you any of you as always, have tips about this, or things that have helped you communicate with your friends and family, let us know below, okay. Question number two, hey, Katie could my back injury be causing my depression to flare up, or is it just a coincidence. It can definitely cause our depression to flare up. Now, obviously, I'm not a physician. I don't manage anything when it comes to like back pain or injuries, but there is a direct correlation between continuous pain, so you've had an injury, and depression and anxiety, because if any of you have had any kind of surgery or injury, or some kind of pain, that's gone on, even for two days, kay, let's just say two days, it's horrible, it's uncomfortable, you don't sleep well, you're irritable, you're frustrated, you don't wanna go out, you don't wanna deal with things, everything's a lot of work, a lot of those symptoms are the same as depression, and so, when we have an injury, we have a surgery, we have a chronic illness, a chronic pain, no wander we're feeling depressed. They are directly correlated, a lot of times, and I wuold encourage any of you out there, if you are struggling with chronic pain, or a recent surgery, to seek out a psychiatrist, talk to a therapist, get some support around it, because not being able to do what we used to do, not feeling enjoyment in the things we used to feel enjoyment, struggling to sleep, all these things can compound, and make our life really difficult, and it's hard to function, and enjoy things, like we used to. So, the sooner we reach out, and we talk about it, the better the outcome.

So, yes it could definitely be causing your depression to flare up. It's not just a coincidence, okay. Question number three, hey, Katie is non-purging bulimia as serious as other eating disorders? My aunt told me that she has it, because she fasts and exercises after a bing. Sorry for asking this question everywhere, it's just been bugging me, and it's totally fine to ask your questions everywhere, I can't get to everybody's questions, and sometimes, I'll see one, and if I see it again, like when I'm scrolling, I'm like oh, that one was over there, and I'll be more apt to try to answer it, but some of you I know get frustrated cause I can't answer your questions, but I'm just one person. If there were like 25 of me, then everybody's questions could be answered, and this would be amazing, but it's just me, so, I apologize, I'm doing the best I can.

What do I do if I am the toxic friend/person? Twitter Thursday! #KatiFAQ

Is non-purging bulimia as serious, heck yes. Every eating disorder is serious there is no one that's more serious than other, there obviously are medical conditions, that come along with having an eating disorder, that can make it a little bit more serious, but there isn't any one, that's more serious than any other, and doesn't matter what behaviors we use, or don't use, they're all just as serious. So, I would encourage your aunt to seek out some help, because whether we're purging or not, or whether we're binging or not, or whether we're exercising or not, the fact that we're not giving our body what it needs, when it needs it, and we're compensating for it, with some other behavior is what makes it an eating disorder, and what makes it unhealthy for our bodies. So, I have a lot of concerns about someone like that, and what they're eating, what they're not eating, ya know, how often they exercise, there's a lot of questions. So, I would encourage her to see her regular doctor, and get checked out, and then get referred to a therapist, or a psychiatrist in her area, okay. Question, number four, and this is a longer one, so, let me read it out to you. It says, hey Katie, recently I picked up the courage to tell my that I've been sexually abused by three relations of ours, a few weeks later, she told me, that she didn't wanna tell anyone else, as I'm underage, and would have to get social services involved, that we would get through it, along with my sister, so, I'm assuming maybe your sister had an issue as well, however, one of the people is my grandpa, who is ill, and everyone pitches in at night to help our granny.

It's almost like I never told her a thing. If anything, it seems like she's spending more time with him. I though I could it at the start, but lately it's been really getting to me, and with other two also, and getting me down. She asked if I wanted to tell my dad, and I said yes, because I thought, that it would be a strain on their marriage, if she had to keep that sort of secret, but I don't think she's even told him yet, and I struggle with self harm, depression, and disorder eating in the past, and it's gotten, I've gotten help for it, but I know I need a specialist to help deal with this, cause it's the source of these other coping skills, but I can't until I'm 18, and I'm worried this will hold me back in college, could I become a therapist with these past issues? Anyways, sorry for the long message, I understand if you're really busy. Well, I got to it, says, if I can't reply, but I'm replying, hey.

So, I wanna talk about this, first thing I wanna discuss is you can become a therapist no matter what your past, you can, it doesn't matter. It only matters, that you've worked on it, and that you're, you've recovered from an eating disorder, or you are currently ya know, you're getting enough help, that you, all of your stuff is taken care of, that's the best way I can put, our stuff is taken care of, enough that we can help other people. So, that's the first thing. Don't let past mental health issues, make you think you can't do what you wanna do.

You do what you wanna do. Now, the second thing, I just wanna talk about this, because I hate hearing this, and it's not on you guys, it's on parents, uuuh, this mom, I'm sure she means well, but we need to get social services involved, I don't care who's ill, or whoever, there's two other people out there, that did harm to you, and it's not your fault, and if your mom isn't gonna get you the support, and the help that you need and deserve, then we need to find someone who will. They're not gonna take you away from your parents, unless your parents are the one's that are doing harm to you. They wanna do what's in the best interest of the child.

A lot of times getting social services involves, involved means that you get into therapy immediately, you get to see a counselor that specializes in abuse. You can get into groups from, with other kids who've gone through it, whatever it is that you want, you have access to it, and that's why we have social services in the United States. So, you can call, and report it yourself. There's nothing wrong with that, there's no shame in it. It's not on you, it's on your abusers, and you deserve to get relief from this. You deserve to start talking about it, to feel okay, you worked up the courage to tell her, and now nothing's happening, and I just hearing about that, cause I know how long and hard it takes for us to actually speak up, and to talk about it, and to finally do it, and then expect things to happen, and then we're sitting there thinking ya know, what the fuck, man, I worked on this, and now nothing. So, please, please, please, contact someone, you can look up social services in your area.

You don't even have to tell them all the details, if you don't wanna fully report that, it's totally up to, but you do deserve to have access to the services, and I would encourage you to start looking into that. If you wanna go through your insurance you can call, I mean, as long as you are able to get yourself there and go, like, I said before, like, being able to participate in therapy, being able to pay your co-pay, whatever you can do, if you can do that, then go seek therapy that way, and pick up the courage to hear a work book, cause that is really great, as well if it's sexual abuse, and I think, yeah, that's what you said, and it's really a great tool, and something you can get on Amazon, and have shipped to you, like lickety split. So, please, please, please, reach out for help, okay. You deserve to feel better. Now, the journal topic, thanks Jess May, is really cool, I love music, and so does Jess, and music can be really influential. So, her thing, that she sent to me, and I don't think she thought it was gonna be a journal topic right away, but she threw that in there. So, I was like, yeah, I'll use it.

Said, hey Katie, just been listening to Christina Perry, human, so, relate to the lyrics right now, journal topic, maybe, what songs would people put with what emotion and why? I think that's a great question. For instance, if I need empowering I blast out some Pink, which I know she does, she sent me a video about that. If I'm anxious just some tranquil relaxing music. If I'm happy some cheery pop, and if I'm depressed Linkedin, or Lincoln Park, Linkedin, wow, you can tell I'm on the internet too much. Lincoln Park, definitely use this, or don't use it, but your awesome, never forget that, Thanks Jess, so are you. So, I got a great idea for a journal topic, just like Jess said, but either to be to link a song to an emotion, and tell me why, what song goes with what emotion and why, or creating playlists for ourselves depending on, I need cheering up, I need to relax, I need to vent it out, I need to scream in my car, or whatever it is, and then share those, so, that we can all share, not only will it be a good way for us to recognize emotions, and what we're feeling and when and how to help with that, but it also can help us learn, and new music, and new people that sing amazing songs, and I love that. So, let me know what you think, and then let us know what you come up with, and what you link to emotions and why, and maybe I'll do it too, what do you know.

Okay, I love you all I'll see you tomorrow, it's finally Friday, and I'll be on Facebook. So, ask your questions there using the #katiefaq, bye.

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