QUIET BORDERLINE! What is it? Mental Health, BPD & Kati Morton Borderline Personality Disorder?

Author: Kati Morton

Hey, everyone! Today I'm gonna talk with you about Quiet Borderline. What is it? Does it even really exist? ^(quirky instrumental music) So like I said, today we're gonna talk about Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder. Now, I have other videos on Borderline Personality Disorder as a whole, the diagnostic criteria, DBT techniques, all sorts of great stuff.

So you can click over here and the cards will come down and you can kind of pick videos. And I would encourage you, if you have not watched my Borderline Personality Disorder video, please watch it first. Please! 'Cause it will explain what Borderline Personality Disorder is criteria-wise because now I'm gonna build on that video and talk about how some of us may experience this differently.

Okay? So a regular Borderline person, and I'm saying "regular" because a majority of people experience Borderline and the way that we diagnose it in a very outward-expressing way. They can be really volatile in relationships. They can be really aggressive and get really angry. They can attempt suicide multiple times. They are constantly fighting with this worry and stress about potential or any perceived abandonment. It can be a really scary place to live.

Struggling with Borderline can be really hard and people really worry that people are gonna leave them, and they feel really alone, and they feel empty, and many of them lash out, like I said. However, many of us don't. And some people wonder do those people really have Borderline Personality Disorder or a "Quiet" Borderline? And the answer is that, of course! Everyone experiences things differently and when you read through the DSM, when you're talking about different criteria within any diagnosis they always say some people may present differently. However, this is, you know, the majority of people with this express it this way. So like I said, many people will express it differently. And a Quiet Borderline, I want to read you from obviously my handy-dandy DSM a little bit about how it can be felt differently.

QUIET BORDERLINE! What is it? Mental Health, BPD & Kati Morton Borderline Personality Disorder?

And this passage says, it's talking about how people can change from being, like in the needy kind of clingy role in a relationship to the avenger, like they're angry that that person, you know, has hurt them or hasn't been there for them. And it says: "Although they usually have "a self-image that is based on being bad "or evil, individuals with this disorder "may at times have feelings "that they do not exist at all. "Such experiences usually occur "in situations in which the individual "feels a lack of meaningful relationship, "nurturing and support". Now, I want to bring out that passage because to me that screams that Quiet Borderline feeling, like they don't really exist, that people aren't nurturing them the way that they need. They need more support. None of those things are an outward-expressing thing. These are things that we feel internally.

They can be really uncomfortable and really hurtful. And there's another thing that they talk about how you can have impulsivity in at least two areas of your life, many of which aren't necessarily things people would know. This could be binge eating.

This could be abusing substances. These aren't always things that people are gonna know we're doing. These are things we can do on our own and have our own kind of self-deprecating situation, things that we're doing to potentially sabotage our life, and these are all internal.

That's why I keep making this gesture 'cause these are things that we do on our own and not necessarily things that we express to other people or lash out. Am I right? Following? And a lot of this involves self-harm. They talk about people who self-mutilate. That's how they describe it in the DSM and that's something we all know that we do in secret.

So there again, we're not lashing out. Nobody knows it's happening. This is like our internal kind of hatred, and sadness and loneliness that we're feeling. And they also say that we may have intense dysphoria and a lot of us can feel really down a lot and really depressed and we can be isolatory. We can stay at home.

I have many clients in my practice off and on who I feel fit a "Quiet Borderline" criteria. Now, there is no different diagnosis. I would still have to diagnose them as Borderline Personality Disorder, but everyone experiences it differently. Another thing is that we- oftentimes they say that people with Borderline when they express a lot of anger, they get really aggressive. And for Quiet Borderlines this could not even be perceived by the other person as that aggressive, but to us it feels aggressive.

And immediately following that we have a lot of shame, and guilt and anger-in. Now, we've talked about, I think in the past about how anxiety and depression can be kind of anger-in things and other things are like the anger-out. So Quiet Borderline can be more anger-in whereas maybe the more traditional Borderline would be anger-out. Does that make sense? I think the most important thing to remember of all of this, as I talk about how this can be expressed differently person to person, is that no matter what diagnosis I'm talking about you may experience it differently than the DSM says you're supposed to. Because as we know, diagnostic criteria has to be black and white and we know life is very gray. We all live in the gray, but I think the best thing that we can do for ourselves to be an advocate for ourselves is that when we talk to our therapist, our psychologist, our psychiatrist, whoever we're seeing to get support, that we ask them questions about our diagnosis. You can even say: "I don't feel like I lash out "like you're talking about "or what I've read about this diagnosis" or "I feel like I experience that "a little differently". It's important to have those conversations because this is your life.

It's your diagnosis and the more- not the more, the sooner we can take control of it and the sooner we can understand it and feel like we're getting the support we need and we know what we need to do to improve ourselves, the better! So feel free to ask questions of your clinicians. It's important that we're all on the same page and that you understand what you're going through and feel that they understand it as well. Now, the thing that I wanted to leave you with because I know Borderline people in general and a lot of you have spoken up to me and said like: "It gets a bad rep "and people tell me I'll never get better "and they don't know how to treat me "and I'm passed around "from different therapist to therapist. "They say it's just a life-long thing".

I want to read you this and I want you to listen. It says: "Follow-up studies of individuals "identified through out-patient "mental health clinics", which would just be like you seeing me or anything else, "indicate that after about 10 years "as many as half of the individuals "no longer have a pattern of behavior "that meets full criteria "for Borderline Personality Disorder". So if anybody tells you you can't get better, Borderline is forever and it's shitty and it's bad and you can feel like no one's taking you seriously and you cannot recover, you can! It's a bunch of bullshit! People don't fully understand Borderline Personality Disorder. And I think they often fear it. They don't seek to understand, but we know statistically speaking, the DSM states that it can get better, that half of the people that they just followed who were getting some kind of treatment, didn't have it anymore! So no! If you're feeling stressed, you're feeling maxed out and you feel like you've been working at it forever, there is hope! If you keep working on it, if you're doing your DBT skills, you're working with your therapist, it will get better! You can overcome it. This is not a life-long struggle.

Trust me! And we will keep working together taking one step at a time towards a Healthy Mind and a Healthy Body. [BPD Video preview] That's me. Ugh! But remember we have to have 5 of these. And you may feel like a lot of these pertain to you. "Oh, I can really connect with that". That's why you may have heard you have Borderline tendencies or Borderline-like symptoms. Right? Subtitles by the Amara.org community.

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