By: Annie Elainey

[ANNIE] Do I look like Shawn Hunter yet? [EMILY] Yes [ANNIE laughs] [Background noise in the hospital; inaudible voices in the hall] Right now we're doing, uh, a ton of injections. Trying to figure out a diagnosis, I guess, I don't know what we're doing anymore... It hurts. Cut to me being home, um, definitely did not record the rest of that doctor visit. It would've been torture to try to record it and torture for you to watch it cuz there was just a lot of screaming and begging for mercy.

So for those who haven't been following along, I was born with a few foot deformities and some bad knees and it didn't really limit me as a kid; like sure I was one of the slower ones in running laps in P.E., sure I would get tired, my feet would hurt after a work shift, like stuff that I wouldn't have called symptoms like, you know, everybody's back hurts at the end of the week, everybody's feet hurt at the end of a long shift, like, it's not really that big of a deal. And it was all fine up until last year, my limits were no longer a long shift and I had to put my feet up, my limits kept decreasing, and you know, it became ... Rapidly started getting worse. Like after four hours I couldn't take the pain anymore, three, two, one, until I couldn't even stand more than a few minutes without the pain being too much. More than literally a couple of minutes before the pain became completely unbearable.

So last year I started having to use a cane and eventually a wheelchair to get around, we all thought what was going on was that my foot deformity had finally caught up with me so we thought, if I get corrective bone surgery that that would relieve me of my pain. So in January, I started surgery on one of my feet because the pain is in both my feet, to correct my bones and it was a really painful process. I would be walking by now, but I'm still in a lot of pain. So if you're just here for a quick update and can't really stay for all the details, um, long story short, the pain that I'm experiencing is completely unrelated to my surgery, this is the same pain I was in prior to my surgery, only it's gotten so much worse and I cannot tolerate putting any weight onto my foot at all, which means that physical therapy and my recovery from this surgery is not gonna go like a normal one would, I will not be able to start learning to walk until I can find the source of my pain and how to solve that pain.

That was way easier to say than it was to hear, haha! Alright so, if you do have some time to stick around, I would like to talk about the details and about what's going on. So the clips you were watching before were from my doctors visit from March 31st and my doctor checked my X-rays and pushed on pressure points, on places that would've hurt if my pain was related to the surgery, my bones appear to be healing nicely and the surgery went really well and I do not regret having the surgery because in the long run it would only be beneficial for me, should I ever get walking, that my bones are corrected and I will avoid a big old mess when I'm older, so I don't regret it. The X-rays and testing pressure points were then followed by several injections of local anesthesia, which a lot of it didn't really take um, and he was just trying to use the local anesthesia to try and isolate and see where exactly this pain was coming from and as well as to see if I could make my foot numb, then maybe I can, you know, put weight on it and walk on it, but the local anesthesia was not working and it wouldn't numb it, even through ALL the stabbings that I went through that day. I couldn't put weight on my foot, it was awful. So the final finding was that this is not a pain of my bones [surgery], I mean, there is SOME pain from the surgery, but it's not the pain that I'm feeling, there's different kinds of pain in different places. And so my doctor believes that this may be a spinal issue or a neurological issue or a nerve issue and he is referring me to a spinal surgeon or a pain specialist. So what does that mean for my physical therapy? I will be continuing physical therapy because I have to continue to try to gain mobility in my ankle and in my toe, toes, plural, my toes don't move. I have to do that or I will lose function, total function of my foot, I have to keep my foot moving, even though it's in pain.


I can't put weight on it but I have to learn how to mobilize it again. It looks like my wheelchair is here to stay for a while. How am I feeling? I feel exhausted. I feel depressed. I feel like for months I've been pushing, pulling, extenuating like a rubber band as far as I could, the rubber band just like snapped all the way back to the front after all the work that I did. Emotionally, physically, everything. I can't leave the house by myself, I can't do the jobs that I'm accustomed to doing, so I'm not really sure where to go from here but.. Um.

I'll figure it out, I guess. So what are you gonna do next? What about your GoFundMe? So, as far as my GoFundMe goes, it's gonna stay open for my medical expenses, even though walking may be in the distant future, if/when we get a solution for the pain, I have a referral for the spine surgeon and the pain specialist, I will need money for an MRI and whatever other scans I may need to diagnose me, we are looking into acupuncture, magnet therapy, aquatic therapy, all these things that could help me improve. And improved mobility aids, like I said, this wheelchair doesn't leave me feeling very independent, I cannot drive myself anywhere because I cannot get myself into the care and then get the wheelchair into the car on my own, I always need to be assisted so the money in the GoFundMe will also go towards helping me get improved mobility aids that'll improve the way I'm living my life right now.

All of that together with also continuing my physical therapy so I do not lose function of my foot. A possible diagnosis I've looked into because of my friend Stacy is RSD/CRPS which is a progressive disease of the autonomic nervous system so we're gonna look into that. And it's you know, emotionally really hitting me at this point that it is a very sincere possibility that I'm not going to walk and that is really terrifying. I'm really surprised that I'm keeping it together because I could not stop crying yesterday.

I want my independence back, I want to go on adventures again, those are the two priorities, there have always been the two priorities in my life, to help and entertain people and to go on adventures, to have fun. As long as I can do those things, I can be happy. And right at this moment I feel like all of that has been taken away. I'm isolated, I'm constantly dependent on others, which kills me, man! KILLS me! I'm currently unemployed and in constant awful pain, all the time. But I'll get back up... I've done so every time so far and we'll keep moving forward and I'll figure it out. If you are able, please donate anything you can to my GoFundMe or to my PayPal button, I have a PayPal button on my Tumblr on both Annie Elainey and Stop Hating Your Body.

Any little bit is going to help towards bettering my chances at diagnosis and solutions and improve my mobility as well, through devices and anything else that I may need and if you can't donate anything, which of course I completely understand, because hello, I'm HERE. Ha! You can also just share the link or share my videos or just watch my videos and that all helps too, that's if you wanna help and I am forever grateful and I'm so appreciative of everything that you're willing to do for me, everything and anything that you're willing to do for me. Alright, so let's try to end this video on a positive note, no matter how depressed I am, let's always try and look at something nice and light and positive. So let's think about what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful of course for being sheltered, for having a place to live, for the food that I have, for internet access, lord, thank you for internet access! For books and movies and music that I have access to thanks to the internet and to DVDs I have on my book shelf. I'm thankful I still have some use of my right leg, meaning you know, several things like, I can stand up on it for a minute to maneuver myself around, reach some higher places, I can also use the bathroom by myself, thank goodness, so I'm thankful for that. And at this moment I'm thankful for you for taking the time out to watch this video and thank you for caring and thank you for supporting me in whatever way you can and if I can ever do anything for you, never hesitate to ask.

My ask box is always open and I try to be as available as possible even though it's pretty vulnerable most of the time but whatever, I love you guys, so it's nothing really. I think that's all the details I really wanna share for now and I've shared as much as I think possible, so that's that. God, I really don't know how to end this. Um, I love you, guys, I appreciate you and I'm still going to be making videos, I'll try to find the motivation to do that but I just need some rest for now, it won't be that long and I'll get right back up and I'll see you guys eventually, bye.

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