Mel talks about her girlfriend's miscarriage of their IVF pregnancy

By: Miscarriage Association

I already had a daughter when I first met my girlfriend, but she wanted us to have a baby of our own. It took three attempts at fertility treatment before she finally got pregnant. She was so happy.

She called me at work one day, when she was about 14 weeks gone. She was bleeding and on her way to hospital. I rushed to be with her and when I got there they said that it was a miscarriage. She was in a lot of pain. I kept asking questions of the, the nurses and the doctors but they couldn't really tell me much.

One of them thought I was her sister coming to help out which, which really hurt, because it just made me feel like I had no right to be there. We, we put so much into her having a baby and, and there was just so much hope for her. She was just beside herself with the loss and the shock and, and I didn't really know what to do aside from just watch her get more and more depressed. We did talk but, I just felt like, I couldn't really do anything aside from listen and give her hugs. I didn't really know who to talk to and..

The people that I did confide in weren't really much help because they all just seemed stuck in this whole 'Oh it'll be easy to get pregnant again' way of thinking. Which it wouldn't be for us. Over time she has got stronger emotionally and physically but I feel like I let her down, because I couldn't give her the baby that she wanted so much.

Mel talks about her girlfriend's miscarriage of their IVF pregnancy

And guilty because I'd been pregnant and given birth and she hadn't. After the miscarriage I found it quite hard to find people that could understand that I was just as upset about it as she was, and I didn't dare say anything to her though, because any conversation about it just made her feel sad and angry. She is a brilliant step-mum to my daughter and I love her so much. I'm amazed that she still wants me after all of this, but she does.

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